In another a few months’ time, we are tying the knot. I am feeling both excited and anxious because planning a wedding isn’t as easy as I thought.
We started planning for our wedding a year ago but things came to a halt due to COVID-19. Prior to the pandemic, we were just merely scouting for venues and have not finalised anything yet. You could say that we were really fortunate because we hadn’t booked anything yet. We have heard stories from brides and grooms who would have to forgo their deposits or cancel their wedding and ended up making a loss because of the situation. Some had to fight hard to recoup their losses. It was really tough for some of them. I am just thankful that Sam and I did not have to postpone or cancel our wedding date.
1. It’s not really a bad thing to have a wedding after COVID-19.
However, we still have to comply with the safe management measurements and regulations as put forth by the government. We still have to practise social distancing and wear masks. Weddings are now limited to 100 attendees but have to be split into zones of 50 people. On hindsight, it’s not such a bad thing after all. I personally prefer smaller weddings. So I guess COVID-19 makes a great excuse for small intimate weddings.
Even though the government has allowed for bigger gatherings, we are only allowed to intermingle within our ‘wedding party of 20 people’. As such, we decided to invite only our immediate family members along with a couple of relatives and friends. We might invite more people if the situation allows. But as for now, I am glad that I am able to plan for a simple wedding. The smaller, the better. I would rather spend little for the wedding and more for our future home or travels.
2. We don’t have to follow all the wedding customs and traditions.
I am for simplicity but I understood that there are some wedding customs which we have to follow because they reflect our culture and beliefs.
Since both my fiancé and I are Chinese, we were asked to follow some of the Chinese wedding traditions. Thankfully, our parents are fine with us forgoing some of the traditions like wedding gate crash and exchange Chinese betrothal gifts. However, the groom’s side would like us to have a couple of the traditional customs such as fetching the bride to the groom’s place and having a tea ceremony with the elders. Since our wedding was solemnised by a church pastor, we also have to follow some of the Christian wedding customs as proposed by the church. This includes the lighting of the unity candles.
I guess some traditions are practised and followed because they signify something important and meaningful. For instance, the use of Unity candles symbolises the union between two people in a marriage. This symbolic act reminds a couple of why they are getting into a marriage in the first place and what it means to be in a union, before the eyes of God.
3. There will be some disagreements but it’s totally fine.
I thought our wedding preparation would be a breeze because both of us are quite easy-going and preferred a more western-style kind of wedding. And who knew that there will be friction during our wedding planning process? We disagree on many things and to make matters worst, our parents also wanted to have a say in our wedding. At the end of the day, we have to keep reminding myself to focus on our relationship and love for each other. We just have to give in to each other and talk it out.
4. Every bride has some degree of ‘Bridezilla-ness’ in them.
I am not very particular person or a perfectionist who wants everything to be perfect but I do want everything to be as simple as possible. And that itself is a reason why I do have my ‘bridezilla’ moments.
I believe that most weddings are largely planned by the brides because most women are better with planning and have an eye for details. With that God-given trait, I took the initiative to dive right into the wedding planning process and assigned a few tasks to my fiancé. But because I have to look into so many aspects of the wedding, I started to get a little stress out without knowing. And that’s when the ‘bridezilla’ in me starts showing up.
I only started to let go after my fiancé quipped that I tend to snap quite easily at him. That’s when I realised that I should take a step back and trust that things will go as smoothly even though things may not go as planned.
5. You can make your wedding preparation fun and meaningful.
Instead of focusing on the actual wedding day itself, why not focus on having fun with the preparation process? The thought of planning a wedding can be daunting but if you see it as a fun project where you get to learn about each other better, it may not be as overwhelming as you think. Have fun while you venture out to meet vendors and view places. I try to infuse all these tasks as part of our weekly dates and only limit our wedding discussions to Wednesdays evening so that our conversations don’t always have to centre around the wedding.
This whole wedding planning made me realise how easy it is for us to derail and lose focus if we focus on the difficulties and our negative emotions. If we can emerge stronger through this ‘project’, it will be a good head start to our marriage.