A Conflict: Look at your own blood-stained hands,first.

This week, we are asked to blog about interpersonal conflict. Sorry for the late post as I have accidentally deleted my draft. Oh, my gawd…how “blur”.

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29 January 2002


Seventeenie Magazine
P.O Box 34
Cinnamon Lane
Singapore 123456


Dear Kelly,


                         I am a 14-year-old student who is currently studying at a neighbourhood secondary school. I am writing this letter to you because I am having some problems with one of my classmates, Atika and I hope that you can provide me with some useful advice.


                         Atika and I were once good buddies in our class, but things had changed when Atika became jealous of my academic achievements. She went around spreading nasty rumours about me in school. Even the students who often visit IRC ( internet relay chat, an internet chat room which was popular among Singaporean students then) knew about me being proud and selfish. She claimed that the teachers in school gave me good grades only because I was behaving like a “teacher’s pet”, always running errands for the teachers.


                        She has even managed to persuade my classmates to stay away from me. During P.E (physical education) lessons, none of my classmates wanted me to be in their netball or soccer team. During recesses, my usual clique of friends who usually ate lunch with me had abandoned me to join others. Everyone was keeping an arm’s length away from me, treating me as if I had contracted a deadly virus.


                        The worse part was I had no idea that Atika was stabbing me right behind my back. The “backstabbing” has been going on for months, and I did not sense anything wrong until my neighbour(who also studies in the same school)had informed me about it. I had been treating Atika like a true best friend, trusting her with all my secrets and personal information when she went around leaking out my secrets and tearing my life apart.
                       
                       The conflict between Atika and I did not end there. Recently, our school held an art competition for lower secondary school students in Singapore to take part in. Both of us took part in this prestigious art competition together as we both had a passion for art. Our friendship started to head for the worse when I found out that Atika had copied my artwork. I drew a portrait of a woman using charcoal as my medium, and she drew a picture of the same woman as me. Both of our artwork looked strikingly similar.


                     “Dear judges, I believe that Deenise had copied my idea. I came out with this idea first,” Atika said.


                     “Atika and Deenise, thank you very much for participating in this competition. I am really sad to inform you that both of you are disqualified from this competition.” said one of the judges.


                     How could I forgive her for doing this to me?

                   Kelly, I am feeling very miserable right now, and I could not seem to focus on my studies.My mind is clouded with all these worries. I want a change in my life. I want my friends back.


Yours sincerely,
Deenise
XOXO
A fan of gossip girls
   
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30 January 2002


Hi, Kelly!
 
                    I had just lost a good friend two weeks ago.I did not mean to hurt her in any way, but she was driving me crazy! She was so intelligent, artistic and sociable.She was getting all the attention she had wanted.


                    Sometimes I felt that she was proud, selfish and insensitive. She once made a promise that she would attend a concert with me to see our favourite boyband “A1” together. In the end, she had broken our promise because our school’s popular cool gang had invited her for dinner. When she received an “A” for her history test paper, she went around waving her test paper right in front of my face, declaring “victory” and boasting how hard she had studied for the test.How insensitive!


                   Recently, I betrayed her because I could no longer tolerate her. During an art competition, I secretly went to her bag and took her sketchbook to see her draft sketches for the competition.I decided to create an exact similar artwork to hers so that I could accuse her and shame her right in front of the judges.


                 
                   Did I do something wrong? I did not mean to make her life miserable. I only want her to change. How do I mend this broken friendship?


Love,
Atika

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                     How is Kelly going to respond to the both of them?

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You might want to look at your own blood-stained hands before accusing others a murderer.Even before you start coming up with solutions to your interpersonal problems or start blaming the other party for their aloof personality, you might want to consider whether the source of the problem lies in you.Are you giving the wrong signals or wrong non-verbal clues? Kelly might not be giving you the complete advice if she has not heard both sides of the story.

A small misunderstanding between both parties can trigger into something big, like a snowball advancing into an avalanche. If this misunderstanding is not cleared immediately, do not be surprised if you find a massive pile of decomposing dried leaves with maggots in your yard after years without removing.